Leave The Penguins Alone, Please And Thanks

Where is the Flying Spaghetti Monster when we need it?

Brain-dead neo-cons and born-again wankers across the United States have been falling all over themselves to jump on the "intelligent design" bandwagon. If you have been asleep for the past 6 years, suffice to say that (a) "Intelligent Design" is a code name for "Creationism" and (b) George W. Bush is not only a True Believer, but he thinks that the schools should beat this belief into young minds as well. One assumes that this sudden right-wing hysteria is a sign that they feel the need to strike while the iron is hot - realizing that there will never again be a President with such a dangerous combination of innate stupidity, lack of education, and religiously-inspired refusal to acknowledge basic facts. This is their one great chance to corrupt the education system and tilt the scales of learning away from science and back towards their 16th-century mumbo jumbo.

Fine. Play fast and loose with your kids' brains and futures, I don't care. But leave the fucking penguins alone.

The latest tactic from these ass-sucking fuckheads is to try and say that "The March of the Penguins" is some sort of vindication of the creationist belief, as well as some sort of proof that traditional heterosexual family units are "god's way". Really. The leap of tortured logic that one must make to arrive at these conclusions is rather prodigious, and one that I cannot entirely fathom. To anyone capable of rational and independent thought - including, surprisingly enough, George Fucking Will - it is pretty obvious that both the penguins and their behaviour are the product of evolutionary pressures. The makers of the movie, however, made a point to stray away from any mention of the "E" word - that is a sure way to get your film picketed and blacklisted in the bible-belt heartland. It's too bad - while I can understand the basic desire to make some coin from the fruits of your creative labours, it is sad that a documentary can be undermined by a fear of the very facts that shape the movie's basic conceit.

The most annoying part of all of this is that one of the tenets of the whole "intelligent design" school of bullshit is that global warming is all part of "god's plan" and has nothing to do with irresponsible industrial societies fucking up the environment with uncontrolled emissions. You can see why George the Dumbass is a proponent - one convenient way to argue against the Kyoto accord is to claim that it somehow goes against the prevailing religion of the country he purports to represent. That's great - except that the birds that these assholes are championing as great paragons of Christian virtue are currently being pressured to destruction by that self-same global warming trend. Sadly, however, that was another crucial point that the filmmakers decided to avoid in the name of avoiding neo-con backlash. A point that (if you look at it from the penguin's point of view) rather desperately needed to be made.

I like penguins. And dogs. I pretty much hate people, though. Things like this remind me why.

Posted: Tue - September 20, 2005 at 01:13 PM