Geekback 3 – Making A Case For Slippery Jim

A Short Canadian Drama In One Act.

The scene: The newsroom at a mid-sized Canadian daily newspaper.

The players: Myself, and some members of the sports department.

The phone rings, and a sports reporter / page editor answers the phone. We’ll call him “Lem Sportsinterviews” – the names have been changed to protect the imbecilic. Lem listens to the caller, who is later revealed to be one of the “Make It Seven” media relations flunkies – ie: the poor saps who are charged with calling various members of the press each and every day to remind them how to cover the story and to portray Slippery Jim as a Selfless Canadian Hero.

Upon disentangling himself from the call, Lem turns to the rest of the office, rubs his hands and cackles with glee, and says “You’ve got to see this – Balsillie is getting aggressive now!” So we all gather round as Lem brings up the “Make It Seven” website and clicks on the link he was just breathlessly informed of.

“Look,” says Lem, “you can click here to send this letter right to the league! They will crash the NHL’s internet!”

“Uh,” says I, “did you look at the address? That is going to go to ‘gbettman@makeitseven.ca’ – why would Gary Bettman have an email address at ‘makeitseven.ca’? That is just stupid, who would fall for that?”

So Lem turns in his chair and looks at me with much pity and scorn and says “Dude, the guy invented the Blackberry, I think he would know better than you how to get mail to Bettman.”

Ooooookay, With nothing left to say, I just wandered off to find a convenient wall to beat my head against. Fortunately for my cranium, I found no such wall – cubicle partitions just don’t do the trick there – and instead blew off the steam by making my own version of the web page. Yes, it sends the letter to the same bogus address. But I think you will find my version much more entertaining.

Epilogue 1: Lem’s quotes, in case you wondered, are word for word. I tapped them down immediately … some things just need to be saved for posterity.

Epilogue 2: Not only does the Make It Seven email form not work for a lot of people, but the whole web page looks like crap on mobile browsers. You would think that the guy who “invented the Blackberry” would have a better grasp on these things.

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